Wednesday, August 15, 2007

And now for something completely different

thanks for all the comments on yesterday's post. I actually think that my problem has less to do with the beginner knitting books. those will continue to diminish as the market has become saturated. now the trend is moving more towards specialty books on techniques, like cables or lace, or on certain garments like socks, or sweaters, or bags, or whatever. all the knitters who learned during the trendy period have either quit or have moved on and are looking to expand their skills. this is where i believe my beef is more relevant--that we have to weed out all the crap books to find the good ones. i hope that the good books will stand the test of time and will continue to be reprinted, while the bad books will gradually fade out. who knows, maybe certain books will go the way of starmore and someday we'll all be paying 1000 bucks on ebay. i just hope that it's for norah gaughan and not for certain, uh...other books. hmm, remind me to squirrel away my copy of knitting nature for prosperity.

anyway. i still have no knitting to show b/c i still don't have camera batteries, so instead i will share something completely different. my vacation starts tomorrow and it's likely i won't post for a week, so i wanted to leave on a good note.

so today i want to share my most embarrassing story. my most embarrassing story pales in comparison to PennyKarma's, so go read hers but please do it after you read mine so that my story will not seem so lame.

for a tiny bit of background: when i was a child, i was extremely shy and very sensitive. i was different from the other children i went to school with in pretty much every conceivable way. because of this, i was often a target. i had no defenses back then, as most 6 year olds don't know how to utilize sarcasm--that was a skill i would learn much later. elementary school sparked my lifelong dream of making myself as invisible as possible. when i was in first grade, my teacher called my mother after about a week to ask her if i was mute. she would call on me in class to answer a question and i would just stare into space, pretending that i hadn't heard her b/c i was too petrified to speak.

at the time, my father ran a small business. he put out a free publication of tv listings that you would often pick up next to the free classifieds at the supermarket. as a gimmick, he would hide the logo in the listings somewhere and if you found it, you won a free tshirt. i wish to god that i still had one of those tshirts, b/c they were frickin' awesome. but i digress. the logo was a ridiculous-looking cartoon termite.

my father decided that he wanted a bit of free advertising, so he and my mother conspired to create a costume of the termite logo, and i would wear it in the county fair parade. i whined and cried and tried to cajole my way out of it, but it was no use. i feel certain that they fed me some bullshit about how it was character-building or some such thing. i watched in trepidation as my mother whipped out her sewing machine and crafty supplies. i dreamed of sabotage, but i didn't dare.

and so the fateful day came, and i had no choice. i wore the stupid costume in front of the entire community. it was the most humiliating experience of my entire life. the children at school were armed with even more ammunition and the taunting didn't stop at least all the way through elementary school, and possibly beyond. i eventually learned to grow a thicker skin.

when i told my friends in college this story, they laughed and agreed that it was amusing, but i could tell that they didn't really believe me. until i showed them this.


  1. That's awesome! Have a great vacation!

  2. Ok, so I *Really* shouldn't laugh at that picture, but the expression on your face!!!

    I now have no qualms about trying to teach Chunky the fine art of sarcasm at such a young age.

    And I can honestly see that you got your mom's sewing skills. That is a greatly executed costume!

    Have a good vacation!

  3. That's adorable - you poor thing, you looked like you wanted to die!

  4. I'm trying really hard to laugh *with* you and not *at* you... ;)

    I hope the free advertising worked! And that you were at least able to use it as blackmail. ("What do you mean I can't get a new car? Remember the time I wore that termite costume...")

    Have a great vaca!

  5. Awww, sorry about all the childish taunting, but gosh, you were super cute!

  6. O my F****** G! The look on your face! Sheer misery!
    You were a cute little kid though, just adorable even in that get up.

    Remember Ralphie in A Christmas Story, his dad says, "He looks like a deranged Easter bunny!"

    My most embarrassing story is not printable. It involves a trip to a downtown clinic, 2 drag queen prostitutes and one bastard of a 'boyfriend'. Except the kicker here, is that I was the one who embarrassed the hell out of someone else.
    Everything I can think of that is truly embarrassing in my life is completely unsavory.

  7. I wonder if you could get your dad to quantify the amount of extra business he got as a result of your marching in this parade? You know, to put a dollar value on your childhood pain? Hee.

  8. Heeeeeeeeeeee, I *love* that picture and story!

    And as far as the knitting books, I hear you. Nothing beats Knitting Nature, or Victorian Lace Today in the past year for me.

  9. I have to admit that your miserable expression, when contrasted with the widely grinning termite costume, makes this picture funny. I also have to say that making children wear termite costumes counts as child abuse. Friends don't let friends stick their kids in embarrassing costumes.

  10. Ok, that's really almost worse than mine - none of my embarrassing moments have photographic evidence!

    Although I think there may be surveillance video in some of them...



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