Thursday, February 02, 2006

Dear Knitty SP 6 (The Goddess of All that is Wrong)

I--I have a confession to make.

...I've knitted with fun fur before. *ducks*

I know, it's downright shameful. But before you start mocking, let me explain!

I bought some skeins of red and black to make Princess Snowball's Cat Bed From
Hell out of the original SNB book. I was a new knitter. I didn't know any
better! I quickly learned, however, because that sucker was a total bitch to
knit. But right here and now, I will stand up for myself. I do not apologize
for knitting this item, because my cat really likes it. I don't know why.
Maybe he has a touch of the eeeevil himself. Satan's Little Helper.

At the conclusion of this project, i realized that my biggest faux pas was
having leftover fun fur. Well...either it was leftover, or my naughty fun fur
mated while I wasn't looking and produced many mini-fun fur skeins. Either
way, I was still a new knitter, I had all this fun fur, and I didn't know what
to do with it.

So I made a tank top. with fun fur stripes. yes, I deserve to be smacked for
this one. I have never worn it. i tried to put it on once and realized i
looked like a smoldering Michelin Man (the tank top is black). I swear. the
3D effect that the fun fur wreaks means that you automatically look 10 lbs
dumpier. This one hides in the back of my closet because I am too ashamed to
give it away. I should just throw it out, but I think I keep it to stave off
the desire to ever make such an Evil Mistake again.

My final fun fur item is a knitted purse that i gave to my co-worker. i made
it just for her because she really liked it. seriously--she wasn't just being
nice. what can i say? it's her style and far be it from me to deprive a
friend. she told me that all of her buddies also wanted to place orders, but
by this point i had learned my lesson. i told her it was too bad--i was out of
the knitted purse business. can you imagine a career knitting fun-fur purses
all day? it would be like the fifth circle of hell. *shudder*

anyway, i felt that before we proceed further, I should make my confession
publicly. You may commence lashings now, as long as I can have a head start.

*running away*


  1. Perhaps you could leave the Handmade Garment of Sin in the street and when it's run over like Road Kill, pull the driver from the vehicle, and kiss their feet for ridding the world of Ill-Conceived Fun Fur Wear.





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